I sat him down and told him and he said, “Oh, okay. So many women are going through this thing: He hasn’t asked me yet.
That is cool with me, too.” He went out and showed up the next Saturday with the ring. Have you told him what you have to have to be happy?
We love you, but how we demonstrate that love is what I call the three Ps of love: We profess, we provide and we protect. You can go into a relationship wanting it to work — wanting a husband, wanting a family — but you can’t be too needy. Another red flag, a really simple thing for men is if you don’t take care of your house or your person, especially your feet and your hands.
That is how a man — if he loves you — this is how you can tell he loves you: He provides for you. Men don’t talk about it [to women], but we talk about it among ourselves. I don’t want to pull the sheets back and your foot looks like my foot.
A guy who is serious about you won’t run off, but you do want to run off the guys who are just coming to play. Or once they do, they are going to get physically attached to you eventually. I did “The Tyra Banks Show” and the authors of How To Love Like a Hot Chick: The Girlfriend to Girlfriend Guide to Getting the Love You Deserve were also there. You are not going to see a guy eight hours a day five days a week in the normal dating process. Now, you are not going to make it easy on this guy. I almost lost the best thing that ever happened to me.” e Harmony: What is the most interesting thing you have learned about yourself from love relationships? I can write a whole show in two weeks — that is 90 minutes of laughs. A man is supposed to open your car door and then get in the car himself. Just set those standards and requirements as a lady. But if you don’t care about how you look, you don’t care how you conduct yourself, or you don’t care how you sound when you talk — like cussing at the office — nobody is signing up for that.
A woman wants a guy who is planning with her; not playing with her. A lot of women sleep with men they know are not the one — they know and are, “Okay,” but all that does is slow down the process of meeting Mr. A young girl got up and asked if it was okay to sleep with a guy on the first date and the woman’s response was, “If you want to. If you want to, sleep with the guy on the first date.” Tyra turned around and asked me how I felt about that and I said, “That is stupid. That is why I say 90 days is a good barometer to get a gauge on the guy to see if he works well with others, to see if he shows up on time, if he is worthy of the benefits. There are women that are unfaithful, too, that have to be reeled in, but you can give him a second chance. Steve Harvey: Writing this stuff down for this book really made me think about it even more because I had to find a way to transfer these thoughts that I had onto paper so people could read it and understand where I was coming from. It caused me to sit my wife down and say, “Do you understand this chapter that I wrote, because I don’t think I have ever really verbalized this to you about what drives me.” Even though she was fulfilling me in the have-to-have department, I wanted to sit her down and tell her what drives me, why I work so hard, why I have so many balls in the air, and why I am not home sometimes. So when I stepped into the book world, it shocked me that it took me this long to write it down. And that is the title of the book: I am not saying don’t be independent.
Some guys don’t get it, but they haven’t read the book either, as don’t a lot of men.
A lot of times you can make the most out of a man if you understand what makes him tick, what drives him, and what he has to have. I expose to women what drives men, how men love and what men have to have.It doesn’t take us six months to figure out if you are the one. That is the key to a guy: a woman who has standards and requirements and, in the book, I talk about this extensively. Women have to establish their standards and requirements because the guy will only give you as much respect as you command. I am a firm believer that God will eventually cause you and your soulmate’s paths to cross. The majority of the women I know can’t really separate the two. So I am saying, date, go to movies, but save your benefits for the guys that are deserving of your benefits. e Harmony: You say in your book that women should wait 90 days before giving out benefits … I am telling you that if you sleep with a guy on the first night, it is not a smart move. If you sleep with me on the first night that is great for me, but I assure you that rarely works out for the woman, because the guy goes, “Wow. If he just wants to play with you, he just wants to get it. I don’t want to rush it,” he’ll say, “I am out of here.” Let him go. I teach my sons that they cannot get in the car until their mothers and sisters are in the car. Steve Harvey: A lot of things come into play: Your confidence level, the way you carry yourself. You may not be the hottest chick at the office, or the hottest chick down at the club, but man, carry yourself with some dignity. You may not have a man, but dress up like you care about yourself.It is critical that a woman says up front what she wants out of a relationship — and don’t worry about running a guy off. e Harmony: Does that mean that women should expect to spend some time alone while they are waiting for Mr. Most women — not all — but most women have to be emotionally attached to you to get physical with you. Steve Harvey: It is like this: You uncover a lot about a guy in 90 days. I have talked this over with a lot of men — all of my research in this book is from talking to men. It might not take you 90 days, but on a job, you spend eight hours a day five days a week getting to know a person before they give you benefits. He is not going to be a happy camper coming back, but sometimes a guy can make a mistake and he can learn from it and go, “Wow. I teach my sons that if I turn around and you are in that car and your mother and sisters are not in that car, I am crushing you because suppose something happens — a dog attack or something — and we are in the car and the girls are not, how can we protect them? Do you know that your boyfriend or your man is supposed to walk closest to the curb? He is supposed to pull your chair out at the restaurant; he is supposed to open the door for you at the mall. If you care about you, it causes someone else to care about you, too. I was very careful in constructing this book to make sure it had no color to it and that is the beautiful thing.I am talking about a subject I am an absolute expert on and that is manhood. I don’t know a man who is, but I am an expert on manhood. I don’t care how much we make, what we do for a living, what our religion is or what color we are. So when I sat down to write this book, I wrote it from the standpoint of what I was an expert at and from where I had the greatest source of information — and that was all of my friends who happen to be men. It is real conversation from a man who has no ulterior motive other than to tell them the truth.